I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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