i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
