I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
