eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
