I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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