i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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