This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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