Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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