I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
