I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
