these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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