It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
