Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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