i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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