She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
