I can't watch pbs sober anymore
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
