fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
