i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
