I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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