the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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