Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
