If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
