I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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