I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
