"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
