When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
