Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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