I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
