If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
