i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
