drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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