Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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