apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
