Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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