I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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