K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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