He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
