I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
