Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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