i think my tv is drunk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
