Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
