remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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