Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
