My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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