Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
