Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
