it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize