So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
