Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
