I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
