I'm gonna have a badass scar
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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