I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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