apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
