what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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