so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize