The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
