your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
