he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
