There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
