just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
