the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
