Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
