i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
